As of yesterday all of my papers are officially finished!! I just have to have an interview with my bishop on Sunday and then the stake president and my papers will be on their way! Thank. goodness.
I am not going to lie though, satan has been working on me super stinkin' hard the past couple of weeks. I had moments where I would doubt myself and my ability to serve and doubt my want to serve. I have never doubted myself being a missionary before, but for some reason I came up with every reason I could to make an excuse not to go. I was always sad and tried to talk myself into not continuing on with the paper process. If you asked me why I honestly could not tell you. And it was super random. These feelings were coming out of nowhere. I was praying to Heavenly Father all the time asking what I needed to do and why I was feeling this way.
I've always been strong in the gospel. I've always said no when I needed to and always tried to be uplifting with the words of The Lord, but this time, I could not offer that because I was just feeling totally awful. In my heart I knew serving a mission was what I needed and what I wanted, but my head was like haha, nahhh.
And then I watched General Conference. It was just like every talk was directed toward me and my struggle. My journal is full let me just tell you. I had thoughts pouring out of me and my heart was so full. I knew what I needed to do and I knew that the feelings I had been feeling had not come from God.
I was sitting in temple class about two Sundays ago and my bishop said something that really stuck with me. He said: All of the times you think to yourself that you're not good enough or your thoughts are putting you down or telling you to do things that are not in tune with the spirit, it is not God talking to you. He would never say things like that. In my case he won't say what I was thinking which was "You aren't good enough or you don't know enough about the gospel to teach others." He would say "You are going to bless someone's life and bring them to the fold."
Obviously I am paraphrasing, but it really stuck out to me and I didn't think about it until conference and just thought that the thoughts I was thinking and the feelings I had been feeling weren't coming from God or even from myself. It really put everything into perspective for me.
They say the people satan tries on the most are the ones that are going to make the biggest difference as a missionary so I definitely can't wait to see what happens on my mission because I should be baptizing entire cities. hahaha
But now I am back to being excited and preparing and just taking everything in. I still have some oncoming health problem and will be dealing with those. Hopefully they won't effect my mission but prayers will be very VERY helpful.
Thanks so much for reading this and if you have any questions or comments just let me know! :D
To learn more about what I'm doing and what my religion is about check out mormon.org and you can also ask me questions.
“God is weaving His tapestry according to his own grand design. All flesh is in His hands. We have no need to fear. We have no need to worry. Our imperative need is to be found doing our duty.” President Gordon B. Hinckley