A little more serious.

Hello everyone,

 As of yesterday all of my papers are officially finished!! I just have to have an interview with my bishop on Sunday and then the stake president and my papers will be on their way! Thank. goodness.

I am not going to lie though, satan has been working on me super stinkin' hard the past couple of weeks. I had moments where I would doubt myself and my ability to serve and doubt my want to serve. I have never doubted myself being a missionary before, but for some reason I came up with every reason I could to make an excuse not to go. I was always sad and tried to talk myself into not continuing on with the paper process. If you asked me why I honestly could not tell you. And it was super random. These feelings were coming out of nowhere. I was praying to Heavenly Father all the time asking what I needed to do and why I was feeling this way.

I've always been strong in the gospel. I've always said no when I needed to and always tried to be uplifting with the words of The Lord, but this time, I could not offer that because I was just feeling totally awful. In my heart I knew serving a mission was what I needed and what I wanted, but my head was like haha, nahhh.

And then I watched General Conference. It was just like every talk was directed toward me and my struggle. My journal is full let me just tell you. I had thoughts pouring out of me and my heart was so full. I knew what I needed to do and I knew that the feelings I had been feeling had not come from God.

I was sitting in temple class about two Sundays ago and my bishop said something that really stuck with me. He said: All of the times you think to yourself that you're not good enough or your thoughts are putting you down or telling you to do things that are not in tune with the spirit, it is not God talking to you. He would never say things like that. In my case he won't say what I was thinking which was "You aren't good enough or you don't know enough about the gospel to teach others." He would say "You are going to bless someone's life and bring them to the fold."

Obviously I am paraphrasing, but it really stuck out to me and I didn't think about it until conference and just thought that the thoughts I was thinking and the feelings I had been feeling weren't coming from God or even from myself. It really put everything into perspective for me.

They say the people satan tries on the most are the ones that are going to make the biggest difference as a missionary so I definitely can't wait to see what happens on my mission because I should be baptizing entire cities. hahaha

But now I am back to being excited and preparing and just taking everything in. I still have some oncoming health problem and will be dealing with those. Hopefully they won't effect my mission but prayers will be very VERY helpful.

Thanks so much for reading this and if you have any questions or comments just let me know! :D

To learn more about what I'm doing and what my religion is about check out mormon.org and you can also ask me questions.

“God is weaving His tapestry according to his own grand design. All flesh is in His hands. We have no need to fear. We have no need to worry. Our imperative need is to be found doing our duty.” President Gordon B. Hinckley 

Happy Birthday!

Warning: this blog post bounces around. A lot.

Sooooo I went to the doctor and the dentist. Guess what I have in the next week or two? A consultation to get my wisdom teeth out.

NOOOOOO. 

I am terrified, but I guess it just needs to happen. Better to get them out now rather than be on my mission and be in pain, I guess. So I'm going to have to put on my big girl pants and just face the facts.

This week has been pretty good. But, I have been lacking in the scripture study department. I wrote a talk for sacrament on Sunday, but that was the last time I opened up my scriptures. i know. Totally not okay, but my two best friends are home from school and I have been spending literally every waking moment with them, or at work making bank. Okay, not making bank. Probably making enough to buy a few skirts and tops for my mission, and to hang out with some friends but you know, a job is a job and money is money and I am not complaining.

I am finally finished with everything I need (minus the wisdom teeth) for my mission. I pick up my forms from my doctor tomorrow and I am fin. I am so stoked. They say that satan works the hardest on the people who are going to help the most people and change the lives of people through the gospel. I better be baptizing the entire country I am going to be sent to because dang. Things have been tough and just weird. Dates and times I scheduled things would pleasantly fall on the same dates and times of other big events, people will try to tempt me to doing things they know I do not do, there are certain people that I need to sing "Love One Another" about in my head sometimes just to get through a few hours with them and a whole bunch more, but it honestly just gives me the strength and the courage to keep going and to keep studying and keeping myself as worthy as I can to be the best missionary I can be, not only for 18 months, but for the rest of my life here on earth.

I can only say, work toward the person you want to be. You are not going to completely change and grow over night. It's going to take time and effort, but it is worth it. I am still in the process of changing myself and trying to be the best person I can be, but everyday counts and everyday is a new day.

Okay, that got gushy but I felt like I needed to say it.

This weekend is going to be insane. It is my nephew and two of my brothers' birthdays so we're having a huge combined family party that I should probably be cleaning for right now instead of blogging but eh.

Allen is 37, Aaron is 34, and Aidan is 9. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDPA'S!

Thanks for reading about my totally boring life. I promise once the papers are in and I find out where I'm going, things will start getting exciting! Unless it's somewhere boring like the DC South mission considering I live here. haha BUUUUUUUT, I will go where The Lord wants me to go. My best friends dad said something to me that really struck me. He said, "It is not the same thing to say 'I will go where you want me to go' as it is to say 'I want to go where you want me to go'" It is all about perspective and fully putting your trust in The Lord and knowing you are going to be sent where you can help the most people. Because this work isn't for ourselves. It is for those who need and want to be informed of all of the beauty the gospel of Jesus Christ has to offer. It is not going to be an easy 18 months, but I know it will be the best of my life.


Until next time.

If you have any questions or comments, let me know :)

Thanks!

~Rachel

Almost there...

HELLO EVERYONE. 
So, I am starting this blog to not only keep everyone up to date with my mission paper process, my missionary fashion purchases, my random posts about whatever, my mission call, my farewell, but also someone will be updating this blog while I am on my mission to help everyone stay up to date with what I am doing, who I am baptizing-well technically who the elders are baptizing but... (fingers crossed.), and just the weekly updates from my mission for all who cares!

I have been continuously working on my mission papers since the very moment I have been able to start them circa: a week and a half ago. Let me tell you, this process has not been easy. It's not that the actual papers are hard, but we've hit some bumps in the road. 
I found out about 2 weeks ago that I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease, which is when the antibodies attack my thyroid which will probably cause it to stop working eventually. To learn more: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hashimotos-disease/basics/definition/con-20030293

WHAT.

However, I am totally relieved to find out what is actually wrong with me because I have been having problems the past 2 years and no one knew what was wrong with me. DING DING DING. We have a winner. So I was put on some meds, had some blood drawn and there we go. It's a pretty manageable disease as long as I keep taking my meds and having check ups every couple of months. Great right? Wrong.

I went to a deferent doctor to make sure this whole Hashimoto's thing was right and it wasn't something worse. Good news, it's nothing worse. Bad news, I have PCOS too.
Learn what it is: http://www.webmd.com/women/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview 
So naturally, my first question was can I have kids eventually? The answer is yes, but it will be more difficult. 
My second question was can I still go on a mission?.............yes. I can still serve a mission. 

HALLELUJAH.

So now I am on two forms of meds that are currently taking a toll on my body, but I will be fine and normal by my mission. Which will be no earlier than July 11th (availability date, holla!)

Now for the unknown question: will I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out before my mission or can it wait?

I have no idea. I'm hoping I can wait, just to I don't have to wait forever to turn in my papers, but who knows. I guess it might just be better to get them out now, but I'm stubborn so...

but we'll find out tomorrow -__-

But all in all, it's been an easy and short process...for now. Unless I have to get those teeth out. Then we might have a problem. okay, real reason I don't want them out? I'm terrified. I hate pain. I am a whiner and I will cry. 

If you have any questions I can answer in the next blog post, let me know. 

~Rachel